I know normally I write about DC Comics, but this entry is going to be a change up in the format, primarily I'm going to try to blog more and almost no topic will be off limits. So lets begin this new format of to the blog with something that's been bugging me for just under week, that being my father. Now if people who followed my tumblr in early 2011 you would know that I have some issue in not knowing my biological father. I'm almost 23 years old and I have never met the man, now its always felt weird not having one since there are supposed to be all these cliche events that are supposed to happen between a father and son. Now prior to January fifth I've been pretty okay with never knowing my biological father because up till around my 12th or 13th birthday I had the best father figure I could ever ask for, that was my Grandpa. Last week my Mom finally found out that you could search for people on google, and on January 5th 2012 by 11:00 my Mom did a search for my father and in the first few results she was able to find him on LinkedIn. From there I have been able to find more pages of his, like his; blog, websites he works for, and twitter to name a few. With those websites I also found out I have siblings, people that I had thought might have existed but never thought I would know for sure. Seeing how much I look like him and my brother freaked me out a lot too, but I think the thing that freaked me out the most was also that never knowing the man or having anything to do with him I happen to be studying in the same field he has a degree. I know to most people that would be just a whatever thing and they would move on, but for me I always feared the idea of becoming him. I never wanted to be anything like him like (because I do realize how damaged I am for not having a father in my life, and how I would never want to do that to another person) and so finding out that there is this weird nature and not nurture connection I have to him has freaked me out the most, almost to the point of wanting to rethink my degree.
So now that I have given this bit of back information I am left with wonder what do I do now? Do I try to contact him? If I do that how do I approach it? Do I tell him off and burn bridges, or do I leave it open & see if he wants anything to do with me? If he does how do I react to that? And of course how will I take it if he doesn't want anything to do with me? One of my coworkers, with the wisdom of age on his side, told me to keep "... you need to be prepared that he may not want the contact and that its not about you... you would be the living embodiment of HIS failures... he is missing out on knowing a great kid." in mind for that scenario, since it could always be a possibility.
Please feel free to leave me any feedback on this, because I would love to hear how some of you would feel about something like this or might approach this situation.
